Women – take 2

I wrote a poem called Women on 1/8/19
Today, I tried to revise it by starting each stanza with dialogue, then character description, and end with my reflection. I also got some help from my writing club, two wonderful woman writers – Thanks!

“Can I go to the restroom?”
The quiet, middle-schooler asked
with her cat-ear headband
poking up from each side of her curly blonde hair.
A good 15 minutes late, she returns to class,
headband in place
and her gym uniform in place of her jeans.
“Must has gotten her period,” I think to myself
and I give her a reassuring nod.

“Sad news…we are losing the baby”
I read in a text from my colleague.
Just last week during lunch she told me
“It’s the size of an avocado and
can make a fist and suck its thumb.”
I tremble as I text back “How can I help?”
knowing full well I can’t.
Her news makes no sense to me.

“Congrats to a new Arrival!”
I read in the email message line
then click and I see another colleague and his wife smiling
as they hold their new bundle.
“9lbs, 21 inches long” I read in the email.
Perfect weight and size I think
and what a family photo is supposed to be.

“Is it hot in here or just me” I wonder to myself
As I remove my sweater and toss it on the chair.
Thinking about these three women
and on the miracle that allowed me
to bring my own two into the world.
I nod my head, so overwhelmed.

 

10 thoughts on “Women – take 2

  1. writekimwrite says:

    I had to go back to read last week’s version and this week shows the strength of revision. This version has greater impact and a clearer version of what you were trying to communicate. Well done, it was interesting to journey through your story in this way and celebrate your profound gratitude in being able to become a Mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. anita ferreri says:

    your story….oh my goodness…it is three slices of real life…mini miracles, total devastation, life goes on……beautiful, sad and mundane…like life

    Liked by 1 person

    • sallydonnelly11 says:

      My Writing Club member suggested it. I think I might pick one day a week in March and devote it to REVISING a piece of writing – something I have already written. Plus, it might help me keep writing in March!

      Like

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